Stealing a meme...

[elviaprose]

Name ~3 B7 fics you think I wouldn't ever, ever write, and I'll try to write a snippet of at least one of them.

I know I don't write that often, so it might not be obvious. :/

Comments

[executrix.livejournal.com]

1. Tarrant is evil. Really, really, evil. Maybe so evil he actually has a fluffy white cat.
2. Blake tells Avon he loves him, but Avon says Cally Would Kill You if You Tried Anything.
3. 101 Things To Do with A Double-Bladed, Serrated Knife.

[elviaprose.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I'll have to give how I might go about 1&2 some thought. I think your evil!Tarrant is the definitive one.

In the mean time, have an excerpt from 101 Things To Do with A Double-Bladed, Serrated Knife:

Warning: Disturbing Images. Though not on par with those in A Terrible Aspect

1. Use your Double-Bladed, Serrated Knife to bisect your grapefruit Hjorklud.
2. Use your Double-Bladed, Serrated Knife to painstakingly loosen the flesh of each section of your bisected grapefruit Hjorklud.
3. Use your Double-Bladed, Serrated Knife to stab each painstakingly loosened section of your bisected grapefruitHjorklud and guide it into your mouth until you've consumed the entire grapefruit Hjorklud.
4. Use your Double-Bladed, Serrated Knife to stab each person who has laughed at any or all activities enumerated in 1-3
...
49. Use your Double-Bladed, Serrated Knife to unequivocally prove your heterosexuality. You have a Double-Bladed, Serrated Knife. Q. E. D.
50. Use your Double-Bladed, Serrated Knife to threateningly and slightly ambiguously explain your bisexuality: "my Double-Bladed, Serrated Knife cuts both ways...and so do I."
51. Use your Double-Bladed, Serrated Knife to affirm your homosexuality: "I'm as bent as this Double-Bladed, Serrated Knife isn't."
52. Use it as a pickup line for anyone you want to penetrate: "I'll feel much better inside you than this Double-Bladed, Serrated Knife."
53. Use your Double-Bladed, Serrated Knife as an anti-pickup line for anyone by whom you don't want to be penetrated : "I'd rather have my Double-Bladed, Serrated Knife up my *deleted*."
…
101. Use your Double-Bladed, Serrated Knife to not shoot Blake.

[executrix.livejournal.com]

Splendid!

However there are MANY ways Tarrant could be evil if he really wanted to be, including pre-TWB...

[clocketpatch]

1. Vila marries Jenna, and Cally, and Dayna, and Soolin, and Servalan... at the same time. His harem all get along perfectly and enjoy cooking Vila gourmet dinners, house cleaning, and taking care of all the mini!Vilas which have resulted.
2. The Liberator spontaneously transforms into a fluffy white cat named Princess Fluffypeep. The crew are all turned into small ducklings who ride on her back.
3. Avon-Cally bodyswap - in the style of Ben Stead

Isn't There a White Knight, Upon a Fiery Steed?

[executrix.livejournal.com]

Can I play a hand?

"Woman, I am beautiful!" Avon declared, gazing enraptured at his slender form and tumbling curls. Unaccustomed to walking in such low heels, he tripped and sprawled backwards onto the sofa, started to swear, then decided to pass it off as masterfully throwing himself down.

Re: Isn't There a White Knight, Upon a Fiery Steed?

[clocketpatch]

Best. Subject line. Ever.

[lost_spook]

I'm not sure what you wouldn't write, so...

1. Avon murders Vila.

2. In S2, Blake decides everyone else is right and rebellion is a silly idea. He settles down with Jenna, Avon with Cally. (Vila sulks.)

3. B7/JC crossover (not fusion).

Re: Isn't There a White Knight, Upon a Fiery Steed?

[elviaprose.livejournal.com]

Ahaha. OMG. OMG.

As Mark Antony said, I am dying, Egypt, dying.

Find, Replace, Deploy

[elviaprose.livejournal.com]

"Supreme Commander."

"Forward march, Captain Rai," Tarrant drawled, lifting a hand away from Star Killer's fluffy white coat to gesture Rai into the room.

"Supreme Commander," Rai said again. Tarrant wished he would stop repeating the title. It sounded as though he was reminding himself of Tarrant's rank.

"Well, what is it?" Tarrant asked, standing, knocking Star Killer to the floor. The old cat sprang away, ears back, but Tarrant's youthful reflexes allowed him to catch him in the side with the toe of his boot before he could retreat to Tarrant's desk.

"I value our friendship a great deal."

"Yes, yes, get on with whatever you have to tell me." If Rai thought their acquaintance at FSA made him more disposed to grant favors, he had another think coming.

"About putting Space Commander Servalan on the Blake Mission. Are you sure it's wise?"

Re: Find, Replace, Deploy

[executrix.livejournal.com]

Much giggles! Such laughter!

Still, it *does* create some interesting possibilities. Although in Duel I suspect Servalan would spend most of her energies trying to kill Giroc and Sinofar for dumping her right in it.

[elviaprose.livejournal.com]

For being not sure, you were right on the money. These are all things I would never ever write! :D

"So Orac," Vila said, alone one night on the flight deck, "what do I do for Blake for his birthday?"

"I suggest time travel," Orac answered.

[elviaprose.livejournal.com]

Man, these are hard to even THINK about writing, even for this meme. I apparently really struggle with crack. Well done! I will get back to you ;D

[lost_spook]

They seemed like things a person wouldn't want to write, so \o/

And, ha, yes, that is about the only way you could start it off, really. Besides, blaming Orac for everything is part of the fun.

Re: Find, Replace, Deploy

[elviaprose.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I have to admit, I've been thinking about it. I think Tarrant and Servalan would make for an interesting double act.

I hate to demote Servalan, though!

Re: Find, Replace, Deploy

[executrix.livejournal.com]

BTW I thought of some ideas for a Parent Trap story. And I am enjoying in advance leading everyone down the garden path, because they will be expecting me to Go There somewhere where I am actually not Going.

PS--is Seek, Locate, Destroy the B7 equivalent of Shag, Marry, Shoot?

Re: Find, Replace, Deploy

[elviaprose.livejournal.com]

Yay, but also aaargh. You know I'm over-invested. As Mrs. Bennet would say, "you have no compassion on my poor nerves!"

Re: Find, Replace, Deploy

[elviaprose.livejournal.com]

And re: your P.S. yes, I think it should be! Why have we never thought of it before?

[aralias.livejournal.com]

i think this is a great beginning :D

[aralias.livejournal.com]

ahaha. see - this is hilarious. why WOULDN'T you write this?

[aralias.livejournal.com]

1. Avon/Cally - post Terminal they finally confront their romantic feelings about each other in Servalan's medical unit

2. Post Orbit - Avon/Vila, Vila is very very sad so Avon comforts him with sex and hot chocolate

3. Avon viciously rapes Jenna post 'Duel'

[elviaprose.livejournal.com]

Oh, man. Oh, man. You know all my weaknesses. You leave me no choice but to do #2. I'll get back to you soon on this.

(sorry for the looong delay for even this filler comment. it's been a crazy day or so).

Ok, here we go...

[elviaprose.livejournal.com]

“Tarrant.” Avon snarled. “Do it.”

“Listen to Avon. Never mind if it’s possible! Just do it!” Vila shouted.

“Right.” Tarrant said, his knuckles whitening even further. “I’ll land her.” The Liberator shuddered again.

“Tell Zen what you’re doing!” Dayna shouted.

“I don’t imagine he’ll approve,” Tarrant said between gritted teeth.

Sweating profusely, Tarrant wrestled the Liberator towards the barren surface of Kiglus 12.

Everyone braced themselves as best they could, but the screeching, sliding, barely controlled landing threw all of them, including Tarrant, to the flight deck floor. Ouch, he thought, and then I’m alive. Distantly, he heard Zen intoning something.

“INFORMATION. ORGANIC TRANSMOGRIFICATION PROCESS HAS NOW BEEN INITIATED.”

In an instant, Tarrant’s view changed completely. The smoking, sparking Liberator flight deck vanished from around him, leaving only the open sky, and his field of vision....shifted. Like a viewscreen toggling from portrait view to landscape.

“What…?” he cheeped. Cheeped? That had definitely been a cheep. His new panoramic vision, saturated with an entirely new spectrum of colors, showed him five small, fluffy yellow--oh, god, they were so yellow-- chicks, cheeping and flapping their wings, and one large, fluffy white cat.

Re: Ok, here we go...

[clocketpatch]

The believability of this crack is astonishing.